I miss these days
I went to bed early b/c I was so tired but then I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about two years ago today. Two years ago I laid in bed hurting so bad in my back and aching all over to discover the next morning all that pain was back labor. Even the doctor on call ordered me a prescription pain killer on the 2nd. He didn't believe I was in labor either. This was the last time I would ever go through labor and delivery again. I remember that pain all too well, but I would do it all over again. There's nothing like a newborn baby, and two years ago I got two of them at the same time - double joy.
There are days I wish the boys and Madelyn were spaced out more in age. I feel like I miss out a lot with each one individually. We chose to continue the adoption after I became pregnant b/c our daughter was already in our hearts. At the time we made that decision, we also thought Madelyn would be older than the twins. Wait to referral got longer and longer. If Madelyn's birthday is what is recorded, her birthmother and I were pregnant at the same time and probably conceived around the same time since the twins were due April 10th (Logan's birthday). I can't image how a mother can give up a child when I know how wonderful it is to give birth and to see and hold a beautiful baby. How did Madelyn's mom give her up like that? I am grateful she did b/c Madelyn wouldn't be home with us, but I am upset with her at the same time for not being a true mother to her daughter. I don't live in China. I don't understand why.
I know I will not give birth to any more children. It's upsetting, but my family is complete and I have come to realize that. We will probably never adopt again. Four children is a lot. Three the same age is really tough. I want to get out of this stage of survival mode but I miss the baby stage so much already. Nate and Andrew have grown up so much and are getting more handsome every day. Madelyn in a year has blossomed into a beautiful, little Asian girl. Our babies are growing into little men and a little lady. When I look back at all the old pictures, I just want to cry. Not sad, but happy tears.
Happy Birthday my baby boys, Nathaniel and Andrew. Even when you are old, you'll still be my babies. I love you so much!
posted by Melissa @ 9:41 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I remember the day so vividly. I remember you calling me for help on the 2nd cause you were in so much back pain that you couldn't get up out of bed and the guy for the security system was supposed to be there. I remember timing contractions and calling Tony over and over again telling you both that you were in back labor. I remember no one believing me when I said you were going to have those babies. And I remember telling Tony that as much as I loved you all, there was no way I was going to be able to deliver those kids myself so get home! LOL I remember Logan spending the night with us. I remember talking to him all night about how special it was that he was going to have baby brothers in just a few hours. I remember he prayed a special prayer for his mommy while she was in labor. I remember driving him up to the hospital to see his brothers for the first time and how excited he was in the car!!! His mouth was just running nonstop! And I remember seeing you laying there so relieved that those boys were out of you... You were so tired but so beautiful! And Tony was so proud - despite how tired he was he was still strutting like a peacock!
The Hooker family is such a beautiful family!!
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