Just Me

I heard news today I was hoping not to hear but knew this was the news I'd get anyway. The only cure to my foot pain is probably surgery. I've had trouble with my feet forever. I'm flat footed and since I've been married I've lost count of how many times I've received cortisone injections in my feet for pain associated with heal spurs.

My pain has gotten worse in my left foot. The more I think about it, the really, really bad excrutiating pain has been since our trip to China. When we were in Guangzhou, our travel group took a ride down the Pearl River. This was the day Tony was getting over whatever made him so sick (and the night I started getting sick) so he doesn't remember much about what happened. When we loaded the boat, we walked across the main floor and headed upstairs to our seats. Before the steps to go up, there was a step I did not see and I stepped wrong and I remember feeling so much pain in my left foot and even saying "It feels like something just ripped."

I've had so much pain in my feet before I never put it all together until recently. I've been diagnosed with a ruptured tendon in the same foot I hurt on that boat in Guangzhou. Back in December I was given a brace to wear and was warned about possibilities of surgery. I went back today, same practice but different doctor, and he also said he was sure it was a ruptured tendon but the only way to know for sure was to do an MRI and if I wasn't planning on the surgery then they wouldn't order it. He said the surgery would put me down for 2-3 months - no weight on that foot at all.

I knew this was what he was going to say but when he said it today, tears filled in my eyes. That's impossible for me right now with the age my kids are at. He said until I got to that point that I could have the surgery, then to keep wearing the brace. I expressed to him that my concerns for coming back today was b/c I had been thinking about the warmer weather coming up and how hard it would be to walk outside barefoot or to take my kids to the pool without shoes on. He flat out said I'd have to wear the brace to stay out of pain. He's right. The brace does make it easier to walk but it doesn't solve my problem when I'm barefoot. I can't always have shoes on.

I do sometimes walk inside my house without the brace. I do pay for it later. If I wear a sandal with more cushioning on the bottom of the shoe or if there's some arch support, it's not so bad for a little while. The worst pain is when I get up from the bed and attempt to walk. I don't know how many times I've told Tony I was going to take a chainsaw and cut off my left foot b/c I think that would feel better than walking on it.

Maybe a new surgical procedure will develop in the next few years. Maybe a new non-surgical solution will be available. Otherwise, I will deal with the pain and keep on with my daily activities as much as I can.