Doctors Don't Tell You Everything

This post has nothing to do about adoption but I wanted to write this down. Last Friday before our move I picked up my OB records since I was transferring doctors. I now know why doctors don't tell you everything. I knew before reading my records there was probably some information about our daughter Reagan in there that I was never told and I was right.

In my records were amnio results, surgery report and lab results from my pregnancy with her. For those that haven't kept up with my blog, I lost her to Triploidy which is an extra 23 chromosomes. This was confirmed by amnio results.

As it turns out, Reagan had many, many deformities I was never told of. I guess at that time it wasn't going to make it any better to know these. I never got to see her so I didn't know of these things. The amnio results even labeled her as "non viable" with life. I even read that there was a big chance of me hemorrhaging had I not gone to surgery. I'm not going to list her deformities here but I made sure I had copies for myself before giving them to my new doctors to keep with everything I have from her such as items I had bought for her, sympathy cards, etc. I have shared these with my closest friends and mom but most probably wouldn't want to have these images in their head. It's not a pretty picture.

It was 6 months yesterday that we lost her and it still feels like yesterday sometimes. It it wasn't for Logan, Tony, and working towards the adoption I don't know how I would have made it through these 6 months. I worry everyday with this pregnancy what the outcome will be. On October 31st, Halloween Day, we will have a Level II ultrasound to rule out neural tube defects and look for any other signs of birth defects and if there are any signs pointing to these, I will be having another amnio performed. I also believe in AFP testing now. I might have known earlier there were problems with Reagan had I not refused this test.

I miss you, Reagan, always will.