Grieving

I'm assuming this is what Madelyn was going through today. I'm no expert with adoption. I've read many stories and how this can happen at all ages. What I need to pray about is how to handle this better. I even thought maybe she was sick but after the afternoon nap she seemed much better.

During morning and afternoon nap, Madelyn cried.......and she cried......and she cried and on and on it went. She was perfectly fine if I held her. The problem with that is I was home alone with all four kids. This couldn't happen all day long. As soon as I would sit her down, she would instantly cry. I tried toys and more toys. The boys played around her which entertains her sometimes. This didn't work. Logan tried talking to her...didn't work. I was loosing my patience. I made a bottle. She wouldn't take it. She arched her back in my arms and flung her legs out and screamed. I talked to her and it still continued. I eventually held her tight, held her arms that were flying around and her legs and held her up against me like a newborn baby swaddled and calmed her down getting her to finally take a bottle. She only made it through half and it started again. Since it was getting close to nap time, I took the chance at hoping I could lay her down and this wear off. Thankfully this worked. She cried for a little bit in her crib but she went to sleep very soon after.

Ever since I've felt horrible. I feel like I failed at the time she needed me most. My patience wore thin really quick. It didn't help that I felt bad all day from not getting much sleep last night and my back was hurting.

When people ask "so how's it going?" I can only respond, we're surviving. It's going to get better and it's going to get easier. I have to keep reminding myself this.

Tomorrow is going to be a better day and maybe next time I'll be a little more prepared.